Where did I go wrong?
by moonlightbecomesyou
Summary: Camille is a poor girl, mistaken for nobility by Pintel and Ragetti. Then her life takes an even stranger turn. PintelOC Please review!
1. Chapter 1

**Where did I go wrong?**

(working title)

**Summary: **Okay, first I'm not sure what this would classified as. Perhaps drama, romance, something...definitely some parody going on in here and there. Not even sure of the rating yet.

Do not want to give much about it away so I'll just let you read. Our two loveable bumbling fools, Pintel and Ragetti, are sent on a mission which in their usual fashion they mess it completely up. Fun and mayhem- type things follow.

**DISCLAIMER: **I do own POTC; or else I would so freakin' cool I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I do however own Camille. Who is still without a last name. Bugger. Any suggestions?

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**Chapter One**

"Bloody 'ell!" Ragetti shouted throwing the parchment he held in his hand to the floor. "I don't understand this map at 'all! How are we supposed to give this to the Cap'n?" He asked.

Pintel quickly retrieved it from floor to take a look for himself. "Ye're an idiot! This be not a map but just a cleaning rag for someone's paintbrush!" He hollered, hurled it into the other man's face.

Ragetti quickly put his finger to his lips, 'Shhhh." He scolded him. "Do you want someone to hear ye?"

"I wasn't yelling that loud, ain't nobody going to hear me!" The shorter man's voice was even louder this time. "So don't go raising yer voice at me! Or draw attention to us yerself!"

_Oy._ He thought rolling his eyes. He would have thought _Oy again_ but the sound of the door opening interrupted his thoughts, causing them to come out vocally instead. "Oy!" He exclaimed.

His cohort's reaction was little bit different; he had taken the violent route and had removed his pistol from its holder. "Who be there?" He demanded, pistol raised.

"I was going to ask you the same thing." A female's voice said in response. A form followed the voice; the candle in her hand flickered as she came to stand before them. The men surveyed her for a moment; Pintel's pistol still pointed her way, finger and trigger ready to shoot. She stood a few inches taller than Pintel, and was a little bit smaller than him otherwise. Her brown hair was pulled back in a single braid, which hung down her back. She was about 16-or 17, or that's what they would have guessed.

Ragetti looked at Pintel as if it would solve everything. "Uh, uh, tell her Pint!" He stammered as he began to rub his wooden eye nervously.

"Tell her, Pint." Pintel mimicked his harebrained friend. "We're here on some business with yer folks." He said giving her a "what you going to do about it" smirk.

"B-business, this late at night?" She asked, confused. "Well my father and mother are not here right now they're out."

Pintel raised a puzzled eyebrow; didn't she realize they were here on "piratical" business and what that meant? "What be yer name, poppet?" He asked her.

"C-Camille." She stammered something about these men was making her nervous. She had been around strange men before, her father worked with several of them but there was something about these two that was much worse.

"Aha." Pintel said, grinning smugly over at Ragetti. "And ye said that we had the wrong house." He sparred. "Brown 'air, name is Camille, folks out during the high society big wig junk."

A grin crept across Ragetti's face, "I guess I was wrong, first time eh?" He chuckled.

Pintel snorted and shook his head. _IDIOT! _He thought to himself, then turning his attention over to the girl once more. "So, Miss Camille, how about taking a little walk with us?" He asked.

"You're gonna go whether you like it or not!" Ragetti interjected excitedly.

Camille's eyes widened as they spoke to her, she tried to escape through the door behind her but was cut off as the lanky pirate jumped in front of her. She turned to try to go the other way but was faced by Pintel.

"'ello, poppet." He replied giving her a toothy grin with a mouth full of rotting teeth. He grabbed a hold of her waist pulling her into him. "Ooh, now this is nice." he hooted. She struggled to get out of his grasp but in the process she dropped the candle causing everything in the path to ignite into flames. Ragetti grabbed a blanket from the chair near him and proceeded to try to put the fire out. Dragging Camille to the door, Pintel shook his head. "Don't worry about that, let it burn. These rich bastards can afford to replace everything.' he smirked.

"Oh yeah!" Ragetti chortled. "Rich bastards can afford anything." He followed him out the door, laughing as he watched the girl tried to struggle. "Why don't she just give up?" He asked.

_Sweet Mother of Pearl! _Pintel inwardly groaned, he couldn't believe this. "Would you? If you had been captured by two pirates out of your home and was being taken somewhere that death and torture was probably all that awaited you, would you just give up?"

"That's a lot of words." Was all Ragetti replied at that moment, he needed to think about that one.

Camille glared at them, "he forgot one, two _ugly_ pirates!" She said spitting at Pintel.

If she had been trying to piss them off it did quite the opposite, they found it quite amusing. "So ye think you're some kind of spitfire don't you?" he smirked.

"No, I just think you two are ugly." She said with almost a whimper.

"'ell you ain't nothing much to look at either!" Ragetti spouted at her, getting into her face; forcing Pintel to stop in the process.

She glared at him more. "Good thing you only have one eye than huh?" She said slapping him across the right side of the face.

"Me eye!" Ragetti shouted as the wooden ball came shooting out of the socket.

"Nice move, poppet, now we'll be 'ere till doomsday as he looks for it." Pintel was getting sick of this and was anxious to get her to their captain, not to mention the growing fire behind them.

"Oh, good, ye ain't gonna believe dis!" Ragetti said amused.

Pintel rolled his eyes in disgust. "What?" He really didn't want to know he just wanted to get this over with and him to shut up.

"It fell into me shirt!" He replied, plopping it back in place. "Now we can go."

"About damn time." Pintel grumbled, "Now lets get this little wrench to the Pearl."


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: **Jerry and company have not decided to sign the rights over to me as of yet so obviously I still do not own POTC. And Camille STILL does not have last name. Bloody brain dead am I.

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**Chapter Two**

The Captain of the Black Pearl paced along the side of this ship, waiting for his men to return. Return with the much needed supplies; food, ammunition and rum. Most importantly rum. Oh, yes and the nobleman's daughter and the map that was supposed to lead him to something or other. He couldn't remember at the moment, but he knew the rum could help bring it all back to him.

He stroked his braided beard as he watched through the looking glass. _Hmmmm. _He thought to himself, _No gunfire, no shouting. This is going along wonderfully._ They could get out of there and be quite a ways away before they even noticed that they had been there. Or so he hoped. He turned around to face his first mate.

"Are you sure we don't have anymore rum on board?" He asked him disbelievingly

"Aye, Captain. That I be sure. Ye drank the last of it this morning." The man replied, standing stiffly behind him, a very creepy cold look in his eyes.

"Oh. Hmmm." the Captain shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the looking glass. "I really don't think I did." he mumbled. He started to open his mouth to ask again but couldn't even get past the first "a-"

"Blasted Jack! For the last time, there is no rum on this bloody ship!"

Raising his eyebrow, looking over his first mate as though he was the one to lose his sanity.. "Hector, mate, we may just have to stop in Tortuga and find you some pleasurable company. You need to loosen up!"

Hector Barbossa narrowed his eyes towards his commanding "officer", hatred had started burning in his chest towards him for sometime, but it was at a high tonight. He began to entertain thoughts of taking the looking glass far down the throat of that cocky _Captain Jack Sparrow_'s throat. The name made his stomach turn, _he ain't no damn captain._

Before he could put any of the formulated plans into action his thoughts were interrupted with a shout from the crow's-nest. The longboats were approaching. Barbossa breathed a sigh of relief, a satisfied grin appeared on his face. _The imbecile's now got his rum, now maybe he'll shut up._

Jack peered through the looking glass to see what he could see in the boats. "Ahh!" He said happily, "They apparently were able to retrieve the lass I wanted. Now if I can only remember why we needed her and that map thing." He shrugged. "Ah, now I remember."

"Do ye now, Jack?" An annoyed Barbossa asked, he wasn't actually interested in what was going on. He believed this to be a fool's mission, his mind was on the other one they had discussed. Isle de Muetra. _Gold of Cortez. That's where we need to be heading. _He thought to himself. _Be patient, Hector._

"The girly's father is the possessor of the map, the guardian if you will. Now if we have it and the girl and he knows she's on board we've got some leverage, savvy? No, bang bang pow pow, sinky sinky. Black Pearl stays afloat, we stay alive, hopefully, and we get the treasure. Now how does that sound?" Jack asked, flashing his famous smile. The smile quickly faded as he saw his first mate was not listening. "Did you even hear a word I said?" He asked exasperated.

"Sure," He lied, he hadn't heard a word that was said, his thoughts were else where. _Think of something, quick!_ "Ye were talking about the rum." As he said that he immediately belittled himself. _That'll never fly. _

But alas it did! "Aw, well is that what I said?" Jack asked, a puzzled look on his face. "I didn't think I was but perhaps that was. At least we have some now, eh?" He clapped his hands and shouted over at the boatswain. "Bo'sun! The boats."

"Aye, Aye Captain." Came the gruff reply, "Ya heard the captain." He shouted at the crew, who promptly came over to help pull in the longboats.

The trio was in the first, closest to the captain. A look of relief was on Pintel's face, he had had enough of Ragetti's seemingly for some reason even more annoying antics and the girls whimpering whenever either of them even acted as though they were going to touch her. _No wonder I never married. _He had thought, shaking his head in disgust. When he saw the captain, a proud look rushed onto his face replacing anything that even resembled frustration.

"We got her as per yer request, Captain!" He grabbed a hold of her nightgown, yanking her to her feet. She gasped a bit and let out a small whimper. "Be quiet, poppet!" He hissed into her ear.

The Captain nodded in approval, putting his hands together in a mock-prayer, bowing his head. "Very, good then."

"Yeah, she practically fell into out hands." Ragetti started, "Pint started yelling his head off at me and she came into see what it was. Think she thought it was some animal dying in her house." He added seriously.

"Ye bloody bugger." Pintel grumbled, shooting him a sideways glare. "Yes Cap'n, it was almost like providence." _If ye believe in that stuff._

"Perfect, now where is the map?" Jack asked starting to feeling anxious to have a look at the long anticipated paper.

Ragetti and Pintel exchanged worried glances. "Uh a-about t-that...' Ragetti stammered a bit.

"It wasn't there Cap'n." Pintel took over from his nervous friend. "We looked everywhere it we could not find it. I thinks perchance the father as it on him."

Jack frowned a bit in response but he didn't seemed to concerned. "Well this throws a monkeys wrench into the situation. No worries though, we'll figure out something."

The girl listened to the conversation intently, trying to figure out what they were talking about. She had to find out. "What map are you talking about?" She asked, trying to keep her voice from wavering in fear.

Somewhat surprised that she would interject any kind of question, especially one of that kind, Jack quickly turned his attention to her. He walked over closer and looked her over, examining her for a moment. "The map, you know, the map. The one that your father is the possessor of that leads right to the lot of yer family's fortune hidden away somewhere." How could she not know about it?

The response caused her to fight back laughter, it was so preposterous. "The map leading to me family's fortune? I ain't heard of such a map, nor any kind of fortune my family having. This is all news to me."

Pintel gasped a little bit, Ragetti elbowing him in the side. _Is it possible she's not the one._ He could feel his palms beginning to sweat. He gave his friend beside him a worried smile.

Jack cleared his throat, and paced a bit. "So let me see if I am following correctly. Ye say yer family as no such map nor fortune?" He asked her, glancing over at the men who had captured her for a moment.

"No, sir." She answered shaking her head. "We're poor as church mice."

"Poor as church mice." Jack repeated, rubbing his chin. "Then what is your name, miss?"

"Camille (?)." She replied quietly.

"Oh," he nodded a bit. "So you're not Lord Spencer's daughter?" He asked but didn't give her a chance to answer him. Instead he turned his attention to the men next to her.

Pintel swallowed hard. "Give us a chance to explain!"

Jack nodded, "Yes, I'll give you a chance to explain."

"He's giving us a chance to explain!" Ragetti voiced excitedly.

"Yes, I know!" Pintel said giving him a look, _shut up_ he mouthed. Ragetti quickly looked down, looking like a puppy that had been caught doing something he shouldn't have been doing.

"Yes, he is, now explain!" Barbossa interrupted angrily. He gave Jack a fake smile and bowed a bit. "Sorry, Captain." Trying hard to keep a mocking tone out of the word 'captain'.

Ragetti hit Pintel on the shoulder. Pintel rolled his eyes and proceeded in retelling what had happened. "Sos we came into the town and found a house the location that it was supposed to be in right?"

Ragetti shrugged a bit. "We got mixed up in the directions. We went west instead of east."

"Rags, shut up. I'm telling the story!" Pintel shouted his patience was running thin with him tonight. Again followed by the ashamed look of Ragetti's face.

Jack nodded and waved his hand. "Carry on." He said.

Ragetti started to open his mouth but was cut off by Pintel. "He meant me with the story, not you with yer idiocy!" He cleared his throat and turned back to the Captain. "Yes perhaps we did go in the wrong direction. And the house did seem small for a Nobleman's house but we thought that it maybe just a side building or something of that sort. But then the girl came in, looking to the description given, her parents were not at home and her name was Camille. What else were we to think?"

Barbossa rolled his eyes, _Fool's errand, send fools get fools result. _This was exactly why he had not wanted them to undertake this. He knew it was going to be fowled up somehow, especially with those two put in charge of that.

But to Jack this was just too funny. "Yeah, I guess I can see the reason you thought so. Not many brown haired lasses named Camille is there." He smirked. "Girl, humor us, why were yer parents gone?" He asked her. "Were they at the ball?"

"My father was, " She started to say, but Pintel cut her off with another try to defend his and Ragetti's honor.

"See!" He said making hand gestures. "Doesn't it all seem to fit to you?" He asked the rest of the crew who looked at him strangely.

She looked over at her capturer. "He works in the stables near the Lord's house, he had to work late for the party."

Jack smirked a bit feeling amused. "And your mother?" He asked.

"Midwife, she's delivering a baby this night. I was left to guard the house." She said a bit sadly. "Not that I did a very good job of it."

Barbossa snickered a bit looking out over the waters to land. "You can say that again." he said pointing out the smoke and flames coming from what once was her home. The candle had obviously kept burning into what was now seen.

"Oh well, at least we have the rum." Jack said with a shrug. "Now let's set sail out of here." He said before he turned to saunter off to grab a bottle or two of rum, the majority of the crew set themselves about following his orders. His eyes widened as he looked upon the vast number of bottles in front of him. "oooo, now this is more like it!" He exclaimed.

"What about the girl?" Ragetti asked Pintel in hushed tones. They had loosened the grip they had upon her.

Pintel let go of her completely and chased after the captain. "Jack! What about the girl, what are we to do with her? She ain't no good to us after all."

Jack looked at him, irritated that he had interrupted his romancing the rum with his eyes. "What? Oh yes, the girl. Which one of you insisted that this was the one?" he asked looking from Pintel over to Ragetti who still held onto her..

"That would be me sir, I guess." Pintel replied, uneasy about where this may be leading.

"Ah, okay then it's very simple." An obnoxious grin slinked across Jack's face.

This look bothered Pintel, not knowing what was so very simple but knew it could not be any good. "How so Cap'n?"

The grin remained on his face, a twinkling of mischief could be seen in his eyes even in the darkness of the night. "Well since you're the reason she was brought here and she's no use to us, as you yourself have stated, then I guess she would be your share of the booty this time."

"What?" Pintel felt as though he was about to faint. Did he mean what he thought he meant?

"As the captain I deal out the shares...and I give her to you as wife. Cause as captain I can also perform marriages aboard my ship." He swatted his hand at him as to tell him to leave his presence. "so yes I say you're man and wife. Now go consummate your relationship while I get reacquainted with my love." he said looking down lovingly at the bottle in his hand. "Oh," He turned back grabbing another bottle. "Yes, love, you can join us as well." He turned to his crew before retiring to his cabin. "Carry on."

Pintel stood speechless, not being able to completely comprehend what had just happened. Ragetti stood a little ways away was just as confused. He quickly let go of Camille's arm. "I guess I shouldn't be holdin' onto yer wife like that Pint." he said. "I truly sorry bout that."

The words tried to form in his mouth but they just couldn't come out right. Finally he was able to say it. He turned to Barbossa, "Can he do that? Is that all he has to say and we're married?" He asked terrified.

_Good form, Jack._ Barbossa thought. _Finally something I approve. ._ "I'm afraid so, Master Pintel. That lass over there now be yer wife. I suggest you do as the Captain said, she's yer responsibility now." He walked away his laughter mixing together with the loud thud of his boots.

"uhnn." Pintel felt as though he was going to faint. This couldn't be happening. There was no way. _This can't be legal!_ This thought of course made him laugh. It wasn't like they were law-abiding citizens to begin with. But was she now legally his wife? Barbossa said she was, and he was among the educated aboard. He looked over at the girl and groaned feeling completely exasperated. _This is going to be a long night._

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A/N:Yes, I probably am not correct on the whole married by a Captain thing. I'm sure it's not that easy nor has ever been but it makes for a funny story I say. And Barbossa's not always an honest brute anyways. 


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: **POTC Still not mine, but..."I'm telling the story!"

**Chapter Three**

The room was quite small, not mention dark and damp. The only light was of the lantern that the man they called Twigg had left with her. She was thankful it wasn't a candle, she didn't seem to have much luck with them, but maybe she'd have better luck with this.

It had been about an hour since they had put her down below while they put the plunder away. The food to the galley, ammunition to the hold and the rum...most of that wouldn't even make it to the cellar. She shivered a bit as a cold chill went down her spine. She had been going over what had happened that night. She had been taken from her home, said home then destroyed, brought to a pirate ship...only to find herself now married to one of the men who had taken her away from the only life she had ever known. Sure the conditions even in this cramped room were better than those at home, but...he was more than twice her age! Not to mention disgusting and vile...

The opening of the creaking door broke her thoughts. She looked up to see her new husband walk into the small cabin, closing the door behind him. "'ello, poppet." he said small growl in his voice. He shook his head in disgust and moved his way to the complete opposite side of the room.

Camille slid back further into the corner that she was sitting in, pulling her legs to her chest. She watched him as he slid down the wall to the floor. It was the first time that she was able to get a very good look at him. He was like she assumed at least twice as old as she was, the shabby beard on his face was filled with gray along with what remained of his long hair. His face was definitely scarred up. She assumed that a lot of it was from years of being out on the open sea, not to mention the numerous battle's he must have been in. There was a knife scar above his left eye, running almost through it. Amazing that it was still intact. She noticed something else that made her shudder; not the thing she noticed but her thought about it. He had very beautiful eyes.

A bottle of rum in his hand, Pintel pulled the cork out with his teeth, spitting it to the floor. Taking a large swig he swished the alcohol around in his mouth before swallowing it. It took a moment before he noticed that she was studying him. "What ye looking at?" He snarled.

She gasped as he asked the question, ducking her head, looking at the floor. "Nothing!" She replied quickly. "Nothing at all."

"Right." He murmured as he downed some more rum, narrowing his eyes at her. He shook his head, spitting on the floor. "So you really think I'm ugly?" He asked her. He didn't really care what she thought; at least that's what he thought.

"I uh," She tried to get an answer out but kept stammering for a moment. "You've got nice eyes." She said quietly.

"Ha!" Was his response to that. "Women." He grumbled, shaking his head, taking yet another large gulp of rum.

Camille sighed softly, watching him. "So it's true then? That pirates love their rum..."

Pintel glared at her, thoughts of different ways he could silence her, end her life ran through his head. "Just shut up would ye?" He asked. She let out a small sound before nodding her head. She bit her bottom lip to help her remain silent. "That's better." He smiled, continuing to drink.

The light of the lantern flickered a bit, at one point it seemed as though it might even go out. "Blast it!" Pintel bellowed a wave had hit against the ship causing it to jar a bit, the rum sloshing out of his bottle as he tried to take another drink. She tried not to giggle watching it. "What?" He demanded anger sounding in his voice. The anger didn't last very long before it disappeared and was replaced with laughter. "Yeah, hard to imagine a seasoned sailor likes me having that kind of thing happening. Ye'd think I'd be used it." _Ye've got me wound up._ He thought to himself before he took another drink.

She watched him as he did before cautiously speaking up. "Are you drinking so much to forget something?" She was asking him the first question that came to her head.

_Observant she is._ He thought sarcastically to himself. "Something like that." He grumbled taking yet another drink. "The Cap'n said we're to consummate our relationship." he said rolling his eyes. "So I be drinking until I find ye beautiful." he said bitterly, taking another drink.

She had gasped at the word "consummate," finally realizing what they had been talking about. She whimpered a bit and cowered further into the corner.

The sounds of her whimpers caused his annoyance level to raise, causing him to also pick up speed in his drinking. As he did he started to look over her for the first time since his extremely inventive captain had married them. He groaned inwardly shaking his head, _either I've had enough or...no way._ He noticed that the once braided hair was now hanging down loose in waves. It hung partially in her face as she looked down at her feet. Now he could see also that it was obvious that she was a poor girl not the rich girl that had thought. Her poor complexion showing the lack of money and resources for proper care. In her brown eyes fear was very apparent. He clutched the bottle of rum in his hand as he began to gag. Not over the sight but over the thoughts and feelings that were stirring up. _She's beautiful already._ There was no way he was going to think this.

"Well I'll tell you what, poppet." He said with an almost drunken scramble to his feet. "I'm gonna sleep in me cot with the rest of the crew. You stay 'ere. I'll be seeing ye in the morning."

Watching as he stumbled his way to the door, she breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn't thought that her life would ever amount to much being born in a poor family but a life like she had been thrown into never crossed her mind. For sure she was not looking forward to making their marriage "official."

Before stepping out he turned back to face her one more time." Good night, poppet." He sneered. "Sleep tight." With that he stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. Camille watched him walk out, laying out on the make shift bed that had been laid out for her. She curled up into a fetal position, a tear falling down her face.

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A/N: Sorry for the shortness of this chapter! I'm working on chapter 4 but Jack's got me stumped now. It's Pre-CotBP & DMC so I can't have him just go off and shoot the undead monkey. Sobs Blasted monkey! 


	4. Chapter 4

A very special thanks to ohmygiddyaunt for reviewing! I so totally appreciate it. I am trying to follow your advice, I just hope I can succeed. (Not to mention thanks for the encouragement! Yay! Huzzah! lol) I think that this one may be a bit better in structure (at least the second half! lol). But even if it's not, I hope you all enjoy!

**DISCLAIMER: **Still not the proud owner of POTC.

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The next day was a good day for sailing. The wind had definitely been on their side, they had been able to put a large distant between them and the island during the night. The crew was busy about their duties above when Camille was awoken by a knock on the door. Sleepily she opened her eyes, pulling the pillow closer to her. It was Ragetti, his wooden eye had apparently popped out a moment before because it was in his hand. 

"The Cap'n told Pinters to come wake you up." He said putting the eye in its place. _Stay in there blast it! _he tried to smile at her, but found it quite awkward to be in the same room as her, she was now his best friend's wife after all.

She yawned sitting up, stretching her arms above her head. "Then why are you here instead of him?" She asked him.

"Dunno, Miss...er, Mrs.." He said confused on even how to refer to her.

She frowned a bit, thinking it over and then sighed. "Call me Camille, if you like." She said softly to him. He seemed so much like a young boy, something he didn't last night, that she couldn't stay angry at him.

He nodded, a smile easily came across his face this time, but still with a confused look. "Okay Miss Camille...er I mean Mrs..."

"Just Camille!" She said with a slight laugh. Then at that moment the realization on where she was at hit her. "So what am I supposed to do now?" She asked. "Did the Captain say?"

Ragetti thought for a moment and then nodded. "Yes, I believe he did...Yes, he did!" He said proud of himself for remembering. "He said to get ye somethin' to eat and send you up on deck."

She groaned a bit as she climbed to her feet. "So what do you pirates eat anyways?" She asked.

"Well, a lot of just have rum." Ragetti offered, "But you really don't eat rum, you drink it." he said blushing a bit. "I brought you some bread though." He said holding it out to her.

She looked at it hesitantly, not knowing whether or not to accept it. "Go ahead, it ain't poisoned." Pondering over it for another moment she finally took it. took it and began to eat it hungrily.

He watched her scarf up the bread, it was almost as though she hadn't eaten for days. _Maybe she hadn't, _the thought of that saddened him as it reminded him of his past, something he didn't want to think about.

"Well, um," He cleared his throat. "I guess you know you're way to the deck. Oh," He turned around picking up a dress he had sat on the floor. "Captain figured this would work for ye." He said handing it over to her. "I'll be letting ye get ready, uh, if ye need to know anything else I guess ye can ask Pintel since, well he is yer husband." He let out a chortle with that last part, he turned around and stepped out the door. "Well good-bye." He said closing the door behind him.

Camille had remained silent as he spoke, thinking it would be best that way. She looked at the dress over, examining it. It was very pretty, much prettier than anything she had ever had before. "Well here goes." She said to herself before proceeding to change clothes.

Meanwhile up on deck, Pintel was busying himself fixing a belaying pin. He kept on eye partially on the stairs to see when the sleeping beauty came up them. A scowl came across his face that he had even thought of her just now as a beauty, not to mention he was feeling anxious to see her. Instead Ragetti ascended the stairs.

"Did she perish during the night?" Pintel asked him as he came into range that he could hear him. "Did you find her a cold corpse?" He was trying to convince those around him and himself as well that he had no interest in his new bride at all. He had an image to think about. Besides a woman wasn't worth the spit to shine his shoes.

Ragetti shook his head, "Nope she was very much alive." He replied, his attention was on his friend and not where his feet were going. Because of this he did not see the rope coiled up just a head in his path, that is until it was too late. He landed on his bottom on the deck with a loud thud.

"Bloody 'ell!" Pintel exclaimed laughing mockingly at his friend, shaking his head. "That was just a beaut!" He wanted to comment more but out of the corner of his eyes he saw something that stole his attention. As he watched Camille ascend the stairs, he swallowed hard, trying to push his emotions away. _Stop it!_ He scolded himself. _She ain't worth it._ He reminded himself.

From the floor of the deck Ragetti followed Pintel's gaze, seeing that it was on Camille. "Wow, that must be some dress." he said rubbing his foot. "Cause she actually looks kind of pretty...definitely wasn't last night or even this morning."

"Shut the 'ell up, Rags." Pintel hissed at him, he shook his head and spat on the deck. "Yer right though she does look great." And he didn't like it, at all. Back to his duties, that would definitely get his mind away from her.

Camille reached the top of the stairs and began looking around. She spotted Pintel almost immediately, an almost choking tightness creeping into her throat. Shaking her head she pushed herself to look away. _He's so creepy, so vile..._ She thought to herself. The sound of a man clearing his throat behind her, broke her thoughts and nearly made her jump.

"Well, good morning luv." The captain of the Black Pearl greeted her, bowing his head to her. "I hope you slept well..." He raised his eyebrows suggestively, his usual cock smirk upon his face. He obviously was under the impression that his "orders" last night had been followed. Amazing he could even remember after the two whole bottles of rum he had consumed since then.

She found herself nearly gagging on the alcohol-drenched fumes on his breath. "As well as can be expected, sir. I'm not used to sleeping on ships." At that moment she was regretting that she had not been born without the sense of smell, it was hard to tell which stench was worse; the smell of the Captain's breath or the oh so unpleasant aroma of the pirate passing them by.

"Oh, yes! _Sleeping_ on ships can be quite different than it is on land. Takes some getting used to." He cleared his throat, a grin spread across his face that caused her to worry even more about what was going to come out of his mouth next. "I, myself have no problem with it at all. I can _sleep_ anytime, anywhere and anyhow the occasion calls and allows."

It should have been becoming ever so much clearer to her that they were not talking about the same kind of sleep; with that knowledge for her sake it would have been better to remain silent. But instead being the naive girl she was she opened her mouth. "Honestly, all the rocking last night made me seasick."

Jack's eyes widened as he began stammering a bit. "I uh I," _I wasn't asking for details, lass! _He looked over at Pintel and shuddered. _Especially not involving him! _"Well, as Captain I can order certain things but...that's something yer gonna have to take up with yer husband." He wrinkled up his nose in disgust.

"I..." Her jaw dropped open as she realized what he meant. _ewwwwwww. _"I wasn't meaning anything the sort! Captain." She quickly added the last part.

"I'm sure you didn't. Now what was the other thing I was going to tell you?" He stroked his beard with his right hand, folding his left arm to his chest, as he tried to remember what it was. "Oh, right. Orders. Obviously you are a woman, or something very close to that so you get the girly-type jobs. Galley and mending." _Bloody landlubber._ He thought to himself as he saw the confusion displayed on face. "Cooking and sewing. Sails, clothing...those type of things. Sewing not cooking, sails I imagine would not taste particularly good." _Blasted! That should make it bloody clear for her! _He let out a loud grunt before throwing his hands in the air (not all that unusual), storming off away from her.

Camille chewed on her bottom lip, not sure of what to do next. She turned her gaze over to her husband, who had a rope tangled up in his hands. Folding her arms she leaned up against the side of the staircase leading up to the stern. Pintel continued to struggle with the ropes as he tried to untangle them, his anger was building up inside of him. Especially when he found that instead of accomplishing his intended plans, he had only ended up making a worse mess of it than it had been in the first place. With an irritated growl he threw the ropes into the face of his one eyed friend, catching him completely by surprise.

An fluster gasp escaped Ragetti's throat as the set of ropes hit him in the chest. Well, most of it hit him in the chest, a section of it escaped and cuffed him upside the head. "Me eye!" Was the usual shout, his hand shooting up to his right eye socket. To his surprise it was where it was supposed to be. He let out a pleased chuckle, grinning over his friend who at the moment resembled an angry munchkin rather than an angry pirate. "look at dat! It di'n pop out this time!" He proclaimed, just simply amazed. In his mind this was a call for celebration, but his friend had other ideas.

"Stupid git." With an even more angry growl, Pintel stormed off in the opposite direction towards the stairs leading below. As he passed by Camille, he gave her the meanest, blackest, hate filled look he could muster on his face. He could feel a smile trying to form, which of course was the last thing he'd want to do. With yet even another growl, he quickly descended the stairs and out of sight. Explicit words resonated up after him, fading until it could no longer be heard.

With all the growling that he had been doing this morning, Camille couldn't help but think that he sounded sort of like an angry bear, which he actually kind of resembled. A deep sigh, she peered over at the young man who had awakened her this morning. She could feel the pity that she had noticed earlier towards him growing, she couldn't help it. He wasn't much older than her, she noted, and it was obvious that he was no newcomer to this life. He had already lost an eye, along with his innocence. Though there was a glimmer of child-like spark left in his remaining eye as he looked over and smiled at her. She smiled back as she waved over at him.

Ragetti ducked his head sheepishly, and let out a school-girlish giggle, giving a tiny wave back. Camille raised an eyebrow at his response, _Oh no, I'm flirting with him! _She frantically looked around to see if any of the crew on deck had noticed. Seeing that she was apparently in the clear, she looked back over at him. She noticed that he had been able to straighten out the rope, which now laid coiled where it was supposed to be. He had been able to do it only because he was calm, he didn't let it get the best of him. This caused her thoughts to drift back to her new -lose his temper at the drop of a hat- spouse. She hoped that he wasn't always this angry, because if this the way he treated his evidently only friend...she shuddered to think about it.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of heavy boots falling behind her. "Look alive young missy." Came the gruff greeting, she whirled around to meet the owner of the voice, nearly jumping out of her skin as her eyes landed on the First-mate. A small scream sounded, but was caught in her throat. He chucked, shaking his head, a wide grin materialized upon his face. "Did I startle you, lass? The reaction had pleased Barbossa very much, It was clear that just his mere presence struck fear in her heart.

"No, no...I just...I wasn't expecting you." Camille finally got it out after a few moments of stammering. "So I guess that would be yes then. I'm."

"Aye,." His infamous evil grin was still on his face, along with the equally infamous steely-eyed scrutinizing look. "I see. Well the crews' bellies must be growling, so do you think it best ye get yerself to the galley and make some food?"

"Right, that is my duty after all." Camille replied, trying her best to sound like a sailor. She remembered her father telling her to never show her fear to the local dogs as they scavenged around the town. It usually worked, so if he didn't see her fear maybe he'd leave her be. Who was she kidding? Fear was radiating off her like heat from the sun on a hot summer's day. And he was just like a dog, he smelled her fear and it made him even more so hungry.

"So hop to it!" He shouted turning away from her. If his goal was to scare her and make her squirm, he had definitely achieved it. Hearing her take a deep breath in, she must have thought he was done with her. But he wasn't, he decided to take this a smite further. "Oh and miss, I like apples in my mush. Green ones, not the red ones Red ones are just awful," He then added " we only get them so we can throw them at Jack when he's passed out on deck."

The only response Camille could give was by nodding her head, as she watched him walk away. She was not sure if he was serious or if he was just trying to play games with her mind. One thing she did know was she was glad to see the evil wretch walking in the opposite direction, away from her. The other thing she knew was, she was now in desperate need to find out where the blasted galley was. A sight out of the corner of her eye made her turn her head. Jack Sparrow was waltzing around the deck throwing his hands about, shouting orders with apparently no one paying the slightest bit of attention. She began towish she had one of those red apples, Barbossa had spoke of, in her hands at this very moment.


	5. Chapter 5

Here is another chapter! I had this idea and I wanted to get it done. Yes, Jack and Barbossa's obsessions continue in this on. I hope you enjoy!

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The crew sat at the dining room table awaiting the arrival of their breakfast. Several of them played with their spoons flicking them back and forth at each other. The first mate, sitting with his arms crossed in front of his chest, rolled his eyes at this. This wouldn't be allowed if he was captain, he thought to himself sending a hidden glare over at the curtain one.

Next to him sat Jacoby, his long braided beard for once did not have smoke rising from it, sat with a look of betrayal on his face. He had been the ships cook before the girl arrived, and he felt this was totally "No fair!"

A little ways away from him sat our two heroes; Ragetti the most anxious of the two. He loved to eat and he was hungry. "Yer wife is slower than molasses in June." He complained to Pintel.

"January." Pintel corrected him, a confused expression forming on his friend's face. "It would be "She is slower than molasses in January. June is a warm month so the molasses would there be warm and pour right on out."

The younger pirate frowned; he was always being corrected by the older man. He never said anything, but he didn't like it. It made him feel very stupid, and he was a lot smarter than people gave him credit for. At least that's what he thought He only acted that stupid to cover up for the other's belligerent comments, and not only that but to hide another thing the crew did not know about the pair.

Ragetti pulled a face. "Fine, she's slow either way." He replied.

What the crew didn't know, was even though she may have been a poor girl she knew almost absolutely nothing about cooking. It had been her mother who cooked all the meals, she usually spent most of her time sewing or helping her father in the stables. It took a while but she finally figured out enough to make something that was hopefully suitable for human consumption. Though she doubted most of these pirates would even fit that category.

"It's about bloody time." Barbossa rebuked her as she brought the pot of mush in, setting it on the table in front of them. "Did ye cut up me apples?" He asked.

"No, I kind of…forgot." She answered timidly. "But I'll get them right now."

He scrunched up his weathered scarred face, giving her a nod. "It's yer first time, I'll let it slide. But not next time." He warned her sternly, he enjoyed making her shake in fear, it was so easy.

Jack leaned forward in his chair to investigate what had been offered to them. "Well, I guess it's better than…" He couldn't think of anything that he had seen in the last decade that looked as bad as this. "It's something to eat." He finally relented. "Or swallow as ye plug yer nose and chase it down with Rum. Lots of rum."

Grapple took the serving spoon in his hand, dishing some of the goop in his bowl. He looked up with a look of leeriness, "Are ye sure we don't have any cake?" He asked in an almost pleading voice. He'd seen more things in the head more appetizing then what the new cook had prepared.

Wanting to take a look for himself, Ragetti stood up and leaned over the table. "Yep, looks just as bad as they say it does." He reaffirmed looking back at Pintel.

Pintel shook his head and looked over at Jack, looking at him more like a disgruntled postal worker than a pirate. His captain had stuck him with a wife he did not want, who wouldn't stop whimpering and whining, and now to make matters worse she couldn't even cook! Now what else was going to be revealed that would unravel his life even more?

"Yes, not even the supplement of apples is going to solve this." Barbossa added in disgust.

"I beginning to believe I may have made a mistake by naming her cook." Jack admitted reluctantly. He could not remember any other instant where he had been wrong, even though his crew could attest otherwise.

"Ye think so, Jack?" Barbossa said sharply. "What made ye think it was a wise idea to begin with?"

Jack thought back for a moment. "Right, well…" He paused to clear his throat." She is a girl, girlys cook…normally!" He added the last word quickly. "Gazelle and Scarlet couldn't cook to save the lives…Tia…" He mumbled and then shook his head looking.

"I think we should put Jacoby back as cook!" Grapple piped up.

"Aye!" Koehler said in agreement, "This stuff ain't fit to dump to the sharks!"

A few other pirates voiced their opinions, Twigg of course stated the obvious. "She don't know how to cook mush!"

Ragetti looked over at Pintel and whispered to him. "So only girlys can cook?" He asked him a little confused by this.

"Well women usually are homemakers and know how to cook. So, yes they usually are better than men." Pintel explained to him, he wasn't feeling very patient at the moment and this question did not help.

"Oh." Ragetti nodded, he was starting to understand but a few things were still unclear. "Sos if Jacoby's a better cook than all o' us, then does that mean he's a girly?" His eyes widened at the thought of that.

Pintel groaned and rolled his eyes. If the grim reaper came at that moment to take someone else in the crew, he would definitely ask to take their place, if only to get away from these kinds of questions.

The silence was translated into a yes by Ragetti. "HE IS!" He exclaimed loudly, drawing the attention from other members of the crew to him. Feeling completely embarrassed he quickly smiled sheepishly at them before turning back to Pintel. "I don't think he is though." He protested, quieter this time.

"Oh, really?" Pintel retorted, narrowing his eyes at him. "What was yer first clue? The beard on his face, maybe."

"No," his friend replied seriously. "I've seen girlys with beards before."

Now this was something that Pintel had to hear, even though considering the source the story wouldn't amount to much. "Where?" He gruffly asked.

"At the circus."

"At the circus!" Pintel rejoined.

Ragetti nodded, "At the circus," He repeated. "It was a side show they had with all kinds o' freaks and the like. She was this big ole woman, she kind of reminded me of ye a bit. But she had…" He stopped in the middle of the last sentence as he felt the point of Pintel's pistol in side. "I'll stop." He then mumbled under his breath. "Someone got up on the wrong side of the hammock this morning."

Pintel heard it but only mimicked him in reply. He turned his attention back to the others. They were still discussing the subject of what to do with the new cook, Barbossa had noted she still not brought in his bloody apple slices. The rest of them were waiting upon Jack's decision.

"Gentleman," Jack started. "Let's think this o'er a minute, it is her first day after all. How about we put Jacoby back in the Galley but only to show her the ropes, then he can go back to the more manly job he's doing now."

The men exchanged looks to see how the others reacted to this suggestion. Their request had been granted but only as far as Jacoby being back to teach this female to cook. It was better than nothing, they guessed.

Jack looked over at Jacoby and raised an eyebrow. "Does that suit ye, mate?" He asked.

A pout grew on Jacoby's bearded face. "No fair!" He wanted to be full time cook; it _was_ a manly job no matter what the captain said.

"Then it's settled then!" Jack said clasping his hands together. "Now lets see if we scrounge something else up." He wrinkled his nose. "I don't trust her cooking."


End file.
